Numero Dos- 20 weeks

We have reached the halfway point in this pregnancy! Praise God for a healthy and uneventful pregnancy thus far!

Yesterday, we got to see Baby Campbell again during our anomaly scan. I know it seems silly to compare, but this baby is already WAY less active than big brother, who was constantly dancing around and keeping me awake at all hours. I have been able to feel the little one wiggling in there, but the comparatively less frequent movements left me extra thankful for this opportunity to see that everything really is okay with Baby.

And it was nice to know that the lack of movement isn't all in my head, because the munchkin was so contentedly still and snoozing that we couldn't complete the scan! The position baby was resting in made it impossible for the scan technician to get a clear view of Baby's spine and internals. We tried everything we could to get Baby to move- including drinking, eating candy, a 20 minute speed walk, jumping, wiggling, and rolling around on the table. Nothing worked. Baby would not budge. After being jostled out of position, Baby would simply snuggle back into it as quickly as possible.

Ross and I decided that baby is either even more stubborn than big brother (Lord help us!) or a really good sleeper (we can dream, right?!).

We will have to go back in two weeks for yet another scan to make sure Baby's kidneys and spine are developing properly. Let's hope Baby is more cooperative next time!

While we couldn't complete all the health checks, we did get a good view of Baby's sex. It was kind of hard to miss with Baby's leg spread wide open.

Numero Dos is... (drum roll please)

Another boy!

Announcing Numero Dos

It is with great joy and some trepidation that we announce we are expecting again!

Baby No. 2 is due mid December 2016.

We'll try to post some photos of baby and bump once I figure out a way. (Our netbook has officially croaked and our new printer lacks a scanner, so you'll have to settle for mere words for a while.)

Things I didn't know about Parenting a Nearly 3 Year old

Parenting is a learn as you go sort of endeavour. In no particular order, here are some things I have discovered about life with my little person:

10. Trying to walk anywhere with a toddler will feel like a slow form of torture. I don't drive here, so every errand and grocery run requires walking- even if just to a train station or bus stop. One bonus of life in a city is that there are lots of shops close to our flat, making it simple and quick to run to a store for a litre of milk or whatever I forgot in our bigger shopping trip. At least it used to be... Seriously, that quick errand is NEVER quick with a toddler in tow. How many times can you say 'Let's go' or 'Come on'? How many piles of poop can you successfully maneuver your kid away from?  How many trips, fall and scraped knees can occur in a less than two block walk? How many individual leaves or cracks in the sidewalk can you stop and examine before you decide that carton of milk just isn't worth it?
9. Toddler's cry and/or whine A LOT. And most of the time you won't understand why. Even when you do know the reason there is often nothing you can do about it. My son frequently sobs about his food 'breaking'. He desperately wants me to put his 'broken' crackers back together and simply won't accept that it is okay to just eat the two halves separately. Before I became a parent, I never envisioned myself losing it over a Peppa Pig yogurt, which apparently does not display the 'right' character. I find myself attempting to explain to a disbelieving 2 year old that the contents are exactly the same, then ordering him to either 'eat the Zoe Zebra yogurt or eat nothing,' while vowing to just buy the plain yogurts next time to prevent this scenario in future. (But then Daddy does the next grocery run and, completely oblivious to my aforementioned vow, brings home Thomas the Tank yogurts...)
8. Toddlers are just small people. It can be easy to treat them like babies, or pets and railroad past their opinions (which are often strange, but not invalid), but learning to respect your child as a person matters. I don't mean that you have to give them whatever they want, but I do think we need to listen better and pay more attention to what matters to our little ones. There have been times I thought my son was being difficult or misbehaving, when actually he was trying to tell me that he was afraid. Equally, knowing what your kid likes or cares about can help you to chose your battles. My kid often flipped out if I tried to dress him in a t-shirt that did not display a large vehicle of some kind. So when we shop, we make a point of buying shirts with dump trucks, trains and cranes- he needs the shirts so why not buy him ones that we know he wants to wear? Problem solved.
7. Family mealtimes are never the picture perfect way you imagined them before you had kids. They are often chaotic, messy, filled with disciplining and totally totally worth it. I dread the conflict over what is for dinner and how a certain some one 'doesn't like' a food that they have eaten happily every other time you made it, but I also love having all the faces I love most around one table, sharing jokes and talking about their day. Sometimes these meals end in tears and sometimes they get interrupted with time-outs, but being together is still worth the effort.
6. Poopy underwear is more disgusting than poopy nappies/diapers. This is from a Momma who happily cloth diapered her baby. I don't know why it is different, but underwear just adds an awkward factor to poop accidents that seriously upped the gag factor for me.
5. I don't know how to get poop out of carpet. Thank goodness for wood floors, disposable mop heads and bleach!
4. Hungry kids are scarier than hungry men. ALWAYS pack snacks.
3. I really don't like Fireman Sam. It is obnoxious, ridiculous and my kid is obsessed. I confess that the very limited TV time in our house is not just because I am a conscientious mama...
2. My attitude influences my toddler. I know we like to complain about our kids' tantrums. And toddlers are emotional and DO throw tantrums. However, I am starting to realise that those 'bad' days we sometimes have start with ME and my bad attitude. Little ones look to us to set the example. We can't expect them to be polite when we are snapping at them and nagging them. We can't expect them to share when we are being stingy with our time. We can't expect them to happily follow our instructions when we make no effort or time to listen to their stories or concerns. It is the most humbling of lessons to see my bad attitude and behaviors reflected back to me in my little one. Being a mom is challenging me to become a better human being.
1. I have never laughed or cried more. The highs and lows of parenting littles are both precious. I am so thankful to be my little boy's mom, to watch him grow and explore the world. Our home is filled with laughter, love and lots of prayers as a result of this one kid and every day is sweeter for his presence in our lives.

Crayon Marks

Last night Ivor scribbled all over the kitchen table while I was trying to make dinner. (Normally he has little interest in colouring or crafts, so I was pleased when he actually asked for them.) I had my back to him, washing a pot, and didn't notice what was happening until he was halfway through his drawing of 'Jonah and the whale'.

When I asked him what he was doing, he looking guilty. (He knows crayons are only for use on paper.) But being the bright cheeky boy he is, Ivor tried to make good his decision by arguing that it is from the Bible.

'I am just drawing Jonah and the whale, Mommy. That is in the Bible and the Bible comes from God...' He looked up at me with the most sweet and innocent expression he could muster. He effectively managed to make me laugh.

Parenting is probably better done with a sense of humour than anger anyway.

Ivor Says

Being Older

Lately Ivor is insistent that he is 'older', meaning old enough, to do pretty much everything from riding a motorcycle to opening the windows to lighting the stove! Apparently being nearly 3 is the right age for just about everything, except walking on your own two feet. When it comes time to put feet to the pavement all of the sudden he becomes an 'itty bitty baby' again and needs to be carried.


Potty Training

Our little boy has graduated from his diapers and is using the potty like a champ, but has recently developed an aversion to pooping. As a result, we find ourselves talking about poop a LOT.

'Ivor did you use the potty today at nursery?'
'Yes, Mommy, I peed in the potty.'
'That's great! Did you do a poop as well?'
'No, the other boys and girls did poops, but I just do poops at home.'

Later on at home we asked him again, 'Ivor, do you need to do a poop?'
'No, the poops have gone on a holiday.'
'I see. Where have they gone to on holiday?'
'They have gone to the Transport Museum.'
'Do you have any idea when they will be back.'
'Umm, they will just maybe be back on Sunday.'



Songs

Yesterday Ivor was passionately playing his keyboard (which is silent thanks to the lack of batteries) and singing his own hymn, which went:

Jesus rose from a dead.
And he is coming back again.
I like to eat strawberries.
Jesus made all the strawberries.
Jesus is coming back again SOOOON.
Yes he is!

More things he says

Why?:
Ivor is firmly in the 'why' phase of childhood and some of his questions sure are doozies! I have no idea how long this phase lasts, but for now we are cracking up at some the complexities of life, human behaviour and relationships. Seriously- you try explaining etiquette to a folder. Why is it polite to set the table a certain way? Why can't you dip your fork in your own glass of milk?

Dreams:
One morning we were chatting on the train and I asked, "Did you have any dreams last night, Ivor?" He replied, "Yes, Mommy."
"What did you dream about?"
"I dreamed about Grandma."
"Which Grandma?"
"Grandma Elizabeth."
"Oh. What did Grandma say in your dream?"
"She didn't say anything. She was just kissing me!"

Thoughts on social media:
Ivor caught me looking at Facebook during snack time. He looked over my shoulder as I scrolled through my newsfeed and then said, 'Mommy, is this just about babies?' (You know you are clearly in the middle of the child-rearing phase of life when the entire world of social media is filled with picture of bumps, babies, stories about potty training and ads for baby products... )

The difficulties of finding a wife:
We were talking about husbands and wives recently and Ivor declared, "I want to marry Mommy." Ross explained that Mommy was already taken. Ivor thought for a moment and then said, "Then I will marry Mariam." Mariam is the mother of Ivor's best buddy, Nathan. We explained that she too was taken. He looked defeated and said, "Ooh, but everyone is taken! I can't get a wife!"

Pretending to be Mommy:
One of Ivor's favourite games is to swap roles and pretend that he is the mom and I am the child.
"Mommy- you are Ivor and I am mommy. Okay?"
"Okay."
"So Ivor you are just so cute. Here is food. You just eat that vegetable and then I will give you a chocolate button, but I will not buy you a toy. Only Grandma buys toys. Okay?"
"Mommy, can I have some juice with my food."
"No. You are only little. You just drink this milk nicely."

Spiritual concerns:
Yesterday, after reading a Bible story about Jesus ascending to heaven, Ivor told me that he couldn't take a nap because he was 'too busy waiting for Jesus to come back!' He was sincere, but I managed to get him to go to sleep by promising that he would be woken up straight away if Jesus did return during his nap.

Weather woes:
After a long spell of cold wet weather, we enjoyed a few days of beautiful bright dry weather over mother's day weekend. It gave us all the taste of Spring we'd been craving, but the nice weather had blown over by Monday. When we walked out the door on Monday, Ivor was dismayed to see the clouds and rain were back. He said,
"Oh no, some one turned the rain on again! But I thought I was done with that!"

What is past and what is to come

I realise that I have been fairly quiet on the blog in recent months. I haven't been as active on email, facebook, skype or phone calls either, and I now know that has raised concern by some parties who wondered where I disappeared to. The answer- we were in survival mode.

2015 was a year of change and challenge, strain and stretching and it was all pretty tiring. We bought a flat and moved in at the end of January 2015. Ross started a new job and I took on more responsibility at work. Ivor continued to grow and thrive. I started to get more involved in Mainly Music (our church ministry for moms and tots), while Ross continued leading a weekly bible study for a group of Iranian Asylum seekers.

All of these things were great, except that Ross was also struggling with depression and his new role put him in direct conflict with some of his new colleagues, who were unhappy with some of the changes Ross had to implement. Then my work situation went from blissfully calm to exhaustingly stressful, as staff left and weren't replaced, and in the wake of my boss' retirement we discovered the mess he had made of our finances. Our office has done it's best to pull together to resolve the situation and avoid being restructured or shut down, but it has required all of us to take on significant additional responsibilities at an already busy time. I found myself working through lunch, fielding emails while Ivor napped and completing projects on weekends and days I was meant to be off, just to try to keep up. I tried my best to be supportive, allow Ross to vent, rest or relax whenever possible, but there were times when I was less than helpful, when the unrelenting demands of being a working mom pushed me to edge of my energy and patience. It turns out I am a LOT less patient than I thought and more often than not, my beautiful boys bore the brunt of my frustrations.

We were able to take a break from the stress during June, when we visited California. We were all so thankful for the time with family and friends. It was exactly the change we needed to allow us to re-enter our crazy world refreshed. Ross was feeling better and was able to change roles at work, which relieved much of problems he had previously faced. Summer/Autumn are always the busiest periods at work, but I had accepted that I could only do my best. We were determined to make the second half of the year better than the first, but that wasn't quite how it worked out.

Instead, I got pregnant unexpectedly. It took us a while to figure out how we would fit this new addition into our lives. And just when we were excited about becoming parents again- just when we were nearing the 12 week window and felt life was getting back to a joyful 'normal'- I started bleeding.

We went in for an emergency scan just a few days before our scheduled 12 week scan and a few days before Ross' birthday. It revealed what I already knew in my heart- our baby no longer had a heart beat. We decided to let things progress naturally and over that weekend my bleeding just got heavier and heavier. The weeks and months that followed were some of the bleakest I have experienced. Even after my body miscarried the heavy bleeding continued for weeks, which turned into months and sparked a series of doctor visits, scans and blood tests, and my lowered immune system left me to catch every cold, flu and winter virus going around.

The grief we felt took us both by surprise. Miscarriage happens all the time, so why did it hurt so much? Isn't it silly to grieve for a child you never really knew? We tumbled through emotions, trying to manage my health, get through each day and keep life as normal as possible for Ivor. Our grief was compounded by the hurt and difficulty surrounding many of our loved ones and by the suffering endured by so many as a result of world events. (Sudden death of a parent here, yet another shooting there, cancer diagnosis here, loss of a job there, ongoing mental health issues and depression here and there and everywhere.) Our hearts were broken for our own loss, for our friends, and for the suffering of so many we have never met.

I think I can safely speak for all of my household when I say that we are all thankful to see the back of some of the difficulties we have faced. Even as I reflect on all we are happy to leave behind, I know that there has been much to give thanks for in the midst of it all.

'My grace is sufficient for you' Jesus said and I have never seen the truth of these words more than during the past year. It didn't feel like His grace was sufficient when I was struggling to support my hurting husband or when I had failed to keep calm during another of my toddler's 'negotiations' about food, or when I had to miss important work meetings to attend yet another hospital appointment. It didn't feel like His power was made perfect in my weakness when I had barely enough energy to hold a conversation with another mom at Mainly Music or when I had to call in sick after catching yet another virus, or as I attempted to rejoice with my friends at one of the four baby showers I attend following my miscarriage. It felt like I was drowning in sadness. It felt like my body would never heal. And I daily felt like I was failing on all levels- as a wife, a parent, a friend, an employee, and above all as a follower of Christ.

BUT His grace IS sufficient. In the midst of our pain, we saw God's gracious provision. We were not alone, but found ourselves surrounded by a sweet community of friends who encouraged, challenged and cared for us at our most vulnerable. We saw our marriage strengthened as we learned to appreciate and support one another in trenches of life. We grew in compassion. We were stretched in our faith- reminded of the brokenness of this world and how our hope is in heaven and not in our earthly blessings.

So what lies ahead for us? We cannot say what the next year will bring, but we are more determined than ever to serve and meet the needs of those around us in whatever ways we can. Our church has expanded to establish a second congregation in the West of the city, so many of our friends will be moving to help in this location. This change has left many vacancies and gaps, so we have volunteered to help meet some of the needs by serving in creche and Sunday school in the city Centre church. Our precious and precocious Little Boy, who is firmly in the 'Why?' stage of childhood, demands more of our attention and energy everyday. It is our absolute delight to parent him and watch him grow and develop. Over the next few months, we look forward to welcoming new additions to our friends' families, rejoicing with a former room-mate as she marries, visiting our Stateside family and friends, and celebrating the significant milestones of Ivor's birthday and our wedding anniversary.  

Undoubtedly there will be more pain and uncertainty ahead- these are an inescapable part of life- but we know more than ever before that we can wake each morning with a living hope, a purpose and an inexpressible and glorious joy.

Celebrating Nine Years

Nine years ago today, I accepted a very succinct email request and became Ross’ girlfriend. Even though he may not remember it, or acknowledge it, I believe it is a landmark worth recognizing. 

A lot has happened in those nine years- we've gone from single to married to parents, from students to employees, renters to home-owners and between us lived in four different countries along the way!

We've survived all the separations, mistakes, hardships and miscommunication, and managed to build something wonderful together.

Nine years in, hearing his key in the door still makes my stomach flip and my heart race. After hundreds of phone-calls, hearing his voice still makes me smile. Every single day of the last 3285 has seen me fall deeper in love with this sweet Boy. 

Ross,

I never imagined that I would get to spend my life with someone that I love and respect as much as you. Through the pain of loss and depression, the sweetness and challenge of raising our little boy, and the simple joys of every day spent together-  I can't imagine a better partner in life. You are my best friend, my confidante, my encourager, and my love. From your wit and humour to the way you challenge me to follow Christ more closely, I could fill pages with the things I love and admire about you. I love how sweet you are, and how you care deeply for the people you love. You are the most loving, invested and proud dad. I love watching you 'rescue' animals stuck on coat trees, hide in the 'cave' from the bears and and patiently read Room on the Broom for the thousandth time. I appreciate your honesty and integrity, and that you hold me to account. I admire your intelligence, work ethic, generosity and endurance. You still give the best cuddles!

There is so much more I could say, Ross, but I hope you get the idea- I think you are amazing! I am so grateful the Lord brought you into my life. Thank you for asking me to be your girlfriend, all those years ago. Thank you for starting this journey with me and for sticking with me, even on the bad days. Thank you for filling my life with love and laughter, beautiful prose and way too many books. 

I love you beyond words. 

Yours always,

Jennie

Hyperbole

Is it just me or do we seem to live in a world of hyperbole these days? Maybe it was always like this, but it seems that everything is constantly 'terrible', the 'best ever', etc...

Ivor wants a bike for his 3rd birthday. A blue bike. So being the researcher/planner that I am, I spoke to loads of bike shops and mom friends, and I went to the internet looking for guidance on choosing a bike. I went in looking for advise and suggestions, but came away feeling nervous, anxious and more than a little overwhelmed at the idea of making what now appeared to be a massively significant and life-changing decision.

Nearly every blog and bike-guide seemed to emphasize the importance of choosing the 'right' bike and the consequences of choosing poorly (as if buying the first item in the shop would some how cripple my child, ruin his childhood and make it impossible to EVER ride a bike properly). What I thought was a fun gift hunt had suddenly turned ugly and I felt weighed down with the pressure. I was actually sweating under the stress. (Or perhaps just because the heater in my office was at full blast.)

It took me a good half a day to cool down and realise that actually a bike is just a bike and not some monumental childhood right of passage that gone wrong is going to mess my kid up for all time.

... I think...

Things he says

My son has a lot to say about everything these days. Here are some of our recent conversations:

TOMATO TEA

I: Let's play. I am the Mommy and you are Ivor. Ok?
Me: Okay, "mommy". What are you doing?
I: I am drinking a cup of tea. Here, you can have some juice. Isn't that nice?
Me: Thank you, "mommy". That's very good juice. Do you like your tea?
I: Yes, I am drinking tomato tea.
Me: Tomato tea?
I: Yes. It is tea of tomatoes.
Me: Interesting! I've never had tomato tea before. Can I try some?
I: No, you did NOT eat your vegetables.

DREAMS

Me: Ivor, did you have any dreams last night?
I: Yeah, I did.
Me: What did you dream?
I: About Jesus and angels.
Me: Wow. What did Jesus do in your dream?
I: He was driving a motorcyle and singing. Then a angel appeared suddenly and said, 'Do not be afraid, Mary. You will have a baby and you will name him, Jesus.'
Me: Right. Why was Jesus driving a motorcycle?
I: He just likes motorcycles!

BAD MOOD

Me: You crack me up, buddy.
I: NO. STOP saying that. I am NOT BUDDY. I am IVOR!
Me: Oh, sorry. You're right. You are Ivor.
I: Of course I am right!
Me: I think you are a bit of grouch-a-potamus.
I: MOMMY! I am NOT a GROUCH-A-POTAMUS. I am angy.
Me: Why are you angry?
I: Of course I am angy.
Me: Yes, but why are you angry?
I: Angy is just a feeling! I am feeling. I am NOT PRETEND!

AGES

Me: Ivor. How old are you?
I: I am 2. That is a big boy!
Me: How old is Mommy?
I: I think you are 6. And Daddy is 6.
Me: Did you know that Mommy is actually 30 years old!?
I: But Mommy, I think you are just 6...