Why?:
Ivor is firmly in the 'why' phase of childhood and some of his questions sure are doozies! I have no idea how long this phase lasts, but for now we are cracking up at some the complexities of life, human behaviour and relationships. Seriously- you try explaining etiquette to a folder. Why is it polite to set the table a certain way? Why can't you dip your fork in your own glass of milk?
Dreams:
One morning we were chatting on the train and I asked, "Did you have any dreams last night, Ivor?" He replied, "Yes, Mommy."
"What did you dream about?"
"I dreamed about Grandma."
"Which Grandma?"
"Grandma Elizabeth."
"Oh. What did Grandma say in your dream?"
"She didn't say anything. She was just kissing me!"
Thoughts on social media:
Ivor caught me looking at Facebook during snack time. He looked over my shoulder as I scrolled through my newsfeed and then said, 'Mommy, is this just about babies?' (You know you are clearly in the middle of the child-rearing phase of life when the entire world of social media is filled with picture of bumps, babies, stories about potty training and ads for baby products... )
The difficulties of finding a wife:
We were talking about husbands and wives recently and Ivor declared, "I want to marry Mommy." Ross explained that Mommy was already taken. Ivor thought for a moment and then said, "Then I will marry Mariam." Mariam is the mother of Ivor's best buddy, Nathan. We explained that she too was taken. He looked defeated and said, "Ooh, but everyone is taken! I can't get a wife!"
Pretending to be Mommy:
One of Ivor's favourite games is to swap roles and pretend that he is the mom and I am the child.
"Mommy- you are Ivor and I am mommy. Okay?"
"Okay."
"So Ivor you are just so cute. Here is food. You just eat that vegetable and then I will give you a chocolate button, but I will not buy you a toy. Only Grandma buys toys. Okay?"
"Mommy, can I have some juice with my food."
"No. You are only little. You just drink this milk nicely."
Spiritual concerns:
Yesterday, after reading a Bible story about Jesus ascending to heaven, Ivor told me that he couldn't take a nap because he was 'too busy waiting for Jesus to come back!' He was sincere, but I managed to get him to go to sleep by promising that he would be woken up straight away if Jesus did return during his nap.
Weather woes:
After a long spell of cold wet weather, we enjoyed a few days of beautiful bright dry weather over mother's day weekend. It gave us all the taste of Spring we'd been craving, but the nice weather had blown over by Monday. When we walked out the door on Monday, Ivor was dismayed to see the clouds and rain were back. He said,
"Oh no, some one turned the rain on again! But I thought I was done with that!"
Saturday, March 26, 2016
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
What is past and what is to come
I realise that I have been fairly quiet on the blog in recent months. I haven't been as active on email, facebook, skype or phone calls either, and I now know that has raised concern by some parties who wondered where I disappeared to. The answer- we were in survival mode.
2015 was a year of change and challenge, strain and stretching and it was all pretty tiring. We bought a flat and moved in at the end of January 2015. Ross started a new job and I took on more responsibility at work. Ivor continued to grow and thrive. I started to get more involved in Mainly Music (our church ministry for moms and tots), while Ross continued leading a weekly bible study for a group of Iranian Asylum seekers.
All of these things were great, except that Ross was also struggling with depression and his new role put him in direct conflict with some of his new colleagues, who were unhappy with some of the changes Ross had to implement. Then my work situation went from blissfully calm to exhaustingly stressful, as staff left and weren't replaced, and in the wake of my boss' retirement we discovered the mess he had made of our finances. Our office has done it's best to pull together to resolve the situation and avoid being restructured or shut down, but it has required all of us to take on significant additional responsibilities at an already busy time. I found myself working through lunch, fielding emails while Ivor napped and completing projects on weekends and days I was meant to be off, just to try to keep up. I tried my best to be supportive, allow Ross to vent, rest or relax whenever possible, but there were times when I was less than helpful, when the unrelenting demands of being a working mom pushed me to edge of my energy and patience. It turns out I am a LOT less patient than I thought and more often than not, my beautiful boys bore the brunt of my frustrations.
We were able to take a break from the stress during June, when we visited California. We were all so thankful for the time with family and friends. It was exactly the change we needed to allow us to re-enter our crazy world refreshed. Ross was feeling better and was able to change roles at work, which relieved much of problems he had previously faced. Summer/Autumn are always the busiest periods at work, but I had accepted that I could only do my best. We were determined to make the second half of the year better than the first, but that wasn't quite how it worked out.
Instead, I got pregnant unexpectedly. It took us a while to figure out how we would fit this new addition into our lives. And just when we were excited about becoming parents again- just when we were nearing the 12 week window and felt life was getting back to a joyful 'normal'- I started bleeding.
We went in for an emergency scan just a few days before our scheduled 12 week scan and a few days before Ross' birthday. It revealed what I already knew in my heart- our baby no longer had a heart beat. We decided to let things progress naturally and over that weekend my bleeding just got heavier and heavier. The weeks and months that followed were some of the bleakest I have experienced. Even after my body miscarried the heavy bleeding continued for weeks, which turned into months and sparked a series of doctor visits, scans and blood tests, and my lowered immune system left me to catch every cold, flu and winter virus going around.
The grief we felt took us both by surprise. Miscarriage happens all the time, so why did it hurt so much? Isn't it silly to grieve for a child you never really knew? We tumbled through emotions, trying to manage my health, get through each day and keep life as normal as possible for Ivor. Our grief was compounded by the hurt and difficulty surrounding many of our loved ones and by the suffering endured by so many as a result of world events. (Sudden death of a parent here, yet another shooting there, cancer diagnosis here, loss of a job there, ongoing mental health issues and depression here and there and everywhere.) Our hearts were broken for our own loss, for our friends, and for the suffering of so many we have never met.
I think I can safely speak for all of my household when I say that we are all thankful to see the back of some of the difficulties we have faced. Even as I reflect on all we are happy to leave behind, I know that there has been much to give thanks for in the midst of it all.
'My grace is sufficient for you' Jesus said and I have never seen the truth of these words more than during the past year. It didn't feel like His grace was sufficient when I was struggling to support my hurting husband or when I had failed to keep calm during another of my toddler's 'negotiations' about food, or when I had to miss important work meetings to attend yet another hospital appointment. It didn't feel like His power was made perfect in my weakness when I had barely enough energy to hold a conversation with another mom at Mainly Music or when I had to call in sick after catching yet another virus, or as I attempted to rejoice with my friends at one of the four baby showers I attend following my miscarriage. It felt like I was drowning in sadness. It felt like my body would never heal. And I daily felt like I was failing on all levels- as a wife, a parent, a friend, an employee, and above all as a follower of Christ.
BUT His grace IS sufficient. In the midst of our pain, we saw God's gracious provision. We were not alone, but found ourselves surrounded by a sweet community of friends who encouraged, challenged and cared for us at our most vulnerable. We saw our marriage strengthened as we learned to appreciate and support one another in trenches of life. We grew in compassion. We were stretched in our faith- reminded of the brokenness of this world and how our hope is in heaven and not in our earthly blessings.
So what lies ahead for us? We cannot say what the next year will bring, but we are more determined than ever to serve and meet the needs of those around us in whatever ways we can. Our church has expanded to establish a second congregation in the West of the city, so many of our friends will be moving to help in this location. This change has left many vacancies and gaps, so we have volunteered to help meet some of the needs by serving in creche and Sunday school in the city Centre church. Our precious and precocious Little Boy, who is firmly in the 'Why?' stage of childhood, demands more of our attention and energy everyday. It is our absolute delight to parent him and watch him grow and develop. Over the next few months, we look forward to welcoming new additions to our friends' families, rejoicing with a former room-mate as she marries, visiting our Stateside family and friends, and celebrating the significant milestones of Ivor's birthday and our wedding anniversary.
Undoubtedly there will be more pain and uncertainty ahead- these are an inescapable part of life- but we know more than ever before that we can wake each morning with a living hope, a purpose and an inexpressible and glorious joy.
2015 was a year of change and challenge, strain and stretching and it was all pretty tiring. We bought a flat and moved in at the end of January 2015. Ross started a new job and I took on more responsibility at work. Ivor continued to grow and thrive. I started to get more involved in Mainly Music (our church ministry for moms and tots), while Ross continued leading a weekly bible study for a group of Iranian Asylum seekers.
All of these things were great, except that Ross was also struggling with depression and his new role put him in direct conflict with some of his new colleagues, who were unhappy with some of the changes Ross had to implement. Then my work situation went from blissfully calm to exhaustingly stressful, as staff left and weren't replaced, and in the wake of my boss' retirement we discovered the mess he had made of our finances. Our office has done it's best to pull together to resolve the situation and avoid being restructured or shut down, but it has required all of us to take on significant additional responsibilities at an already busy time. I found myself working through lunch, fielding emails while Ivor napped and completing projects on weekends and days I was meant to be off, just to try to keep up. I tried my best to be supportive, allow Ross to vent, rest or relax whenever possible, but there were times when I was less than helpful, when the unrelenting demands of being a working mom pushed me to edge of my energy and patience. It turns out I am a LOT less patient than I thought and more often than not, my beautiful boys bore the brunt of my frustrations.
We were able to take a break from the stress during June, when we visited California. We were all so thankful for the time with family and friends. It was exactly the change we needed to allow us to re-enter our crazy world refreshed. Ross was feeling better and was able to change roles at work, which relieved much of problems he had previously faced. Summer/Autumn are always the busiest periods at work, but I had accepted that I could only do my best. We were determined to make the second half of the year better than the first, but that wasn't quite how it worked out.
Instead, I got pregnant unexpectedly. It took us a while to figure out how we would fit this new addition into our lives. And just when we were excited about becoming parents again- just when we were nearing the 12 week window and felt life was getting back to a joyful 'normal'- I started bleeding.
We went in for an emergency scan just a few days before our scheduled 12 week scan and a few days before Ross' birthday. It revealed what I already knew in my heart- our baby no longer had a heart beat. We decided to let things progress naturally and over that weekend my bleeding just got heavier and heavier. The weeks and months that followed were some of the bleakest I have experienced. Even after my body miscarried the heavy bleeding continued for weeks, which turned into months and sparked a series of doctor visits, scans and blood tests, and my lowered immune system left me to catch every cold, flu and winter virus going around.
The grief we felt took us both by surprise. Miscarriage happens all the time, so why did it hurt so much? Isn't it silly to grieve for a child you never really knew? We tumbled through emotions, trying to manage my health, get through each day and keep life as normal as possible for Ivor. Our grief was compounded by the hurt and difficulty surrounding many of our loved ones and by the suffering endured by so many as a result of world events. (Sudden death of a parent here, yet another shooting there, cancer diagnosis here, loss of a job there, ongoing mental health issues and depression here and there and everywhere.) Our hearts were broken for our own loss, for our friends, and for the suffering of so many we have never met.
I think I can safely speak for all of my household when I say that we are all thankful to see the back of some of the difficulties we have faced. Even as I reflect on all we are happy to leave behind, I know that there has been much to give thanks for in the midst of it all.
'My grace is sufficient for you' Jesus said and I have never seen the truth of these words more than during the past year. It didn't feel like His grace was sufficient when I was struggling to support my hurting husband or when I had failed to keep calm during another of my toddler's 'negotiations' about food, or when I had to miss important work meetings to attend yet another hospital appointment. It didn't feel like His power was made perfect in my weakness when I had barely enough energy to hold a conversation with another mom at Mainly Music or when I had to call in sick after catching yet another virus, or as I attempted to rejoice with my friends at one of the four baby showers I attend following my miscarriage. It felt like I was drowning in sadness. It felt like my body would never heal. And I daily felt like I was failing on all levels- as a wife, a parent, a friend, an employee, and above all as a follower of Christ.
BUT His grace IS sufficient. In the midst of our pain, we saw God's gracious provision. We were not alone, but found ourselves surrounded by a sweet community of friends who encouraged, challenged and cared for us at our most vulnerable. We saw our marriage strengthened as we learned to appreciate and support one another in trenches of life. We grew in compassion. We were stretched in our faith- reminded of the brokenness of this world and how our hope is in heaven and not in our earthly blessings.
So what lies ahead for us? We cannot say what the next year will bring, but we are more determined than ever to serve and meet the needs of those around us in whatever ways we can. Our church has expanded to establish a second congregation in the West of the city, so many of our friends will be moving to help in this location. This change has left many vacancies and gaps, so we have volunteered to help meet some of the needs by serving in creche and Sunday school in the city Centre church. Our precious and precocious Little Boy, who is firmly in the 'Why?' stage of childhood, demands more of our attention and energy everyday. It is our absolute delight to parent him and watch him grow and develop. Over the next few months, we look forward to welcoming new additions to our friends' families, rejoicing with a former room-mate as she marries, visiting our Stateside family and friends, and celebrating the significant milestones of Ivor's birthday and our wedding anniversary.
Undoubtedly there will be more pain and uncertainty ahead- these are an inescapable part of life- but we know more than ever before that we can wake each morning with a living hope, a purpose and an inexpressible and glorious joy.
Monday, March 7, 2016
Celebrating Nine Years
Nine years ago today, I
accepted a very succinct email request and became Ross’ girlfriend. Even though
he may not remember it, or acknowledge it, I believe it is a landmark worth
recognizing.
A lot has happened in
those nine years- we've gone from single to married to parents, from students
to employees, renters to home-owners and between us lived in four different
countries along the way!
We've survived all the
separations, mistakes, hardships and miscommunication, and managed to build
something wonderful together.
Nine years in, hearing his
key in the door still makes my stomach flip and my heart race. After hundreds
of phone-calls, hearing his voice still makes me smile. Every single day of the
last 3285 has seen me fall deeper in love with this sweet Boy.
Ross,
Ross,
I never imagined that I
would get to spend my life with someone that I love and respect as much as you. Through the
pain of loss and depression, the sweetness and challenge of raising our little
boy, and the simple joys of every day spent together- I can't imagine a better partner in life. You
are my best friend, my confidante, my encourager, and my love. From your wit
and humour to the way you challenge me to follow Christ more closely, I could
fill pages with the things I love and admire about you. I love how sweet you
are, and how you care deeply for the people you love. You are the most loving, invested and proud dad. I love watching you 'rescue' animals stuck on coat trees, hide in the 'cave' from the bears and and patiently read Room on the Broom for the thousandth time. I appreciate your honesty and integrity, and that you
hold me to account. I admire your intelligence, work ethic, generosity and endurance.
You still give the best cuddles!
There is so much more I could say, Ross, but I hope you get the idea- I think you are amazing! I am so grateful the Lord brought you into my life. Thank you for asking me to be your girlfriend, all those years ago. Thank you for starting this journey with me and for sticking with me, even on the bad days. Thank you for filling my life with love and laughter, beautiful prose and way too many books.
I love you beyond words.
Yours always,
There is so much more I could say, Ross, but I hope you get the idea- I think you are amazing! I am so grateful the Lord brought you into my life. Thank you for asking me to be your girlfriend, all those years ago. Thank you for starting this journey with me and for sticking with me, even on the bad days. Thank you for filling my life with love and laughter, beautiful prose and way too many books.
I love you beyond words.
Yours always,
Jennie
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