It all began with my mother, as many good things in life often do. You see, my mother, in all her wisdom, wanted me to take advantage of all the opportunities available to me. As a teen I had absolutely no desire to expand my horizons. In fact, I would have been perfectly content to stay at home and never leave Orange County.
Desperate to broaden my horizons, she would bring fliers and brochures home from work (UCI), highlighting summer internships, student organizations, and, most importantly, study abroad. These brochures would almost always be accompanied by an interlude about how exciting that particular thing was, to which I would nod and roll my eyes. Mom and Dad even took me on a trip around the state to view other colleges and Universities. They tried to sell me on UC Davis, but I was having none of it. My attitude was nothing but bad the entire trip.
True to form, when it came time to apply for Universities, UC Irvine came top of my list, followed closely by the other institutions close to home. The plan in my mind was to live comfortably at home while I studied, but to appease my mother I also applied to Davis.
When my admissions letter arrived, I was devastated when I didn't get in to any of my top choices. It didn't make any sense, I had better grades and extracurriculars than others who got in. I raged at God for weeks and bitterly sent in my acceptance. I was going to UC Davis and I thought my world had ended. My parents, on the other hand, were excited for me and kept going on about all the great opportunities (the brochures kept coming).
After a rough start to my first year, mostly due to my own bad attitude, I settled into Davis. Then after my first year, my parents decided to ruin my life by moving from Orange County to Rescue. It didn't matter that I wasn't living at home any more, they were moving away from everything I had ever known. This big change combined with my little brother's illness really threw me for a loop. Again, I cried and raged at God for being so unfair.(O the drama!)
Despite my tantrums, this summer changed my life significantly for the better. In the course of a few weeks, God had allowed the my ties of comfort, familiarity and home to be broken. I had no option but to be uncomfortable. The choice had been made for me to branch out. So I started thinking about what I was going to do with this life of mine and for the first time I began to seriously consider studying abroad.
Part 2: Scotland
With nothing else holding me back, I decided to take a chance for the first time in my life. I signed up for a year long study abroad programme in Scotland. I can't honestly tell you why I picked it out of all the other options, but Scotland seemed as good a place as any and when I discarded my first choice, St Andrews, for being too small, I simply picked the next option on the brochure, Glasgow University. It was all so random (or so I thought).
The first time I met the PhD student, we talked about Moby Dick and how I really don't care for Dickens. Occasionally he would give me rides home after a Sunday service or mid-week bible study. He was certainly funny and intellegent, but a bit stand-offish and I was never sure if he really liked my company or was just being polite.
Preparing to return home to California, I accepted that it was unlikely I would ever see most of my Scottish friends again. It seemed far fetched to carry on those relationships from such a distance. So when the PhD student mentioned that he would be visiting California on a trip with some friends, I agreed to have lunch with him out of politeness. I never thought I would see or hear from him again after that lunch.
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Through emails, we arranged to meet at Newport Beach for lunch. I got there a couple hours early, thinking I would have a quiet time on the beach before lunch, but was surprised to find that he was already there, having had a similar idea. I was even more surprised to find how easy he was to talk to and for hours we talked about pretty much everything.
Morning stretched into lunch, stretched into evening, and when my friends turned up for our planned bonfire that night we were still there talking, despite his jet lag. It was an amazing day and for the first time I began to get a clear picture of who this man really was. I kept thinking that it was such a shame that he lived so far away and how sweet it would be to get to spend more time with him. Over the next week of his trip, we met a couple more times. He even came to church with me and my grandparents, who were pretty impressed with 'that nice young man'.
When I went back to Rescue, I emailed this PhD student one final time just to say that I enjoyed our lunch and that I hoped he enjoyed the rest of his trip. I thought that was the end of our acquaintance.
Part 4: Pen Pals
A few days later, when the PhD student arrived back home, he read my email and instead of assuming as I did that our friendship was over before it began, he responded. It wasn't just that he responded, but how he responded that formed the foundation of what would become a deeper friendship than anything we shared while we were both in Scotland. Instead of just sharing how much fun he had on his vacation, this PhD student carried on the conversation we'd started on that beach, and began to share how God was teaching and challenging him. Over the following months, the emails flowed back and forth. This PhD student had gone from the periphery of my life to some one whose emails I looked forward to. When my roommates asked what was going on between us, I answered honestly that we were just friends.
I began to notice our friendship change the first time he called me from Scotland. I was going through a tough time and he asked if he could call me to make sure that I was okay. Since our apartment didn't have a land line, I drove all the way to Rescue to take the call at my parents' house. Half a dozen phone calls followed this first one and each time I made the trek from Davis out to Rescue. (My family was starting to wonder what was going on.) When I found myself checking my emails several times a day, just waiting for a word from him, I had to admit that had developed feelings for this boy. It was time for a DTR.
In our next phone call I laid it all out and made it clear that I wasn't interested in a casual relationship, especially not one that was long distance. I wanted to know then and there what his intentions were. (I think it says a lot about the boy that this frank and panicky conversation didn't scare him off.) We prayed about it together and separately. And then I received what the Boy admits was the shortest email he ever sent me, asking me to be his girlfriend. I still laugh about the pithiness of that request and about the fact that I received such an important question in an email, but truthfully letters and emails were so central to our entire relationship that somehow it was fitting.
Part 5: Dating
Our dating relationship was unique in that it consisted of no actual dates at all, a sad but true reality of a long term long distance relationship. For nearly three years, we maintained our relationship with letters, emails, phone calls, skype dates, and the occasional visit. (Both loving the written word, we preferred letters to phone calls, and I have kept every single one of the hundreds of letters we sent to one another.)
Ross came to visit me and meet my family after I graduated from University. It was a bittersweet visit, because it confirmed that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other, but the obstacles we faced seemed insurmountable. I had already committed to spending at least one year in full-time ministry abroad, while Ross had accepted a post-doctoral scholarship abroad. Our lives just seemed to be heading in a different direction than our hearts. Due to scheduling and funding issues, it was a long 14 months before we saw each other again, during which time our relationship had been tested and had grown stronger and more Christ centred.
During that visit, Ross proposed to me.
Part 6: Two Become One
The first part of our engagement was defined by more separation and even more testing, as we waiting for God to work out the practicalities so that we could finally marry. After some long months of impatience, uncertainty and tears (mostly on my part), God graciously provided Ross with the job of his dreams, as a University lecturer. This one amazing provision paved the way for us to start planning our wedding and our future together.
We had tried for years to force things to happen in our time and in our way, but our plans all fell apart. Our relationship and marriage were only possible through God's good providence.
One June day, we were finally married in a ceremony that celebrated our faith and promises to each other.
Now the real adventure begins!
