Thursday's thoughts

We move in exactly two days. The flat is a filthy mess, filled with boxes and piles of stuff waiting to be packed or thrown away. There is so much left to do and yet here I am choosing to update my much neglected blog. It's true that I needed a break from the madness, but mostly I wanted to set down my thoughts on this moment before it passes and I get caught up in other things.

Strangely, my thoughts in this moment are not revolving around our new home, moving or even saying goodbye as you might expect. Instead my brain is swirling furiously around one central topic: Ivor. 

I love listening to him talk and getting to see the world through his eyes (even if the world according to Ivor is mostly made of garbage trucks, trash, buses and diggers). I love how he holds his teddy up to the window, so that teddy too can enjoy the 'Babadee'. I love the way he sleeps smushed in one corner of his bed, with his legs tucked up under him, cheeks in the air, teddy snuggled under his arm. I love that his children's bible is his favorite book and that he asks for it every night (even if only for 'Noah-no' and the 'amals'). I love his cuddles and kisses, and how my lap is his preferred chair.

At 20 months, it would seem the 'terrible twos' are already upon us with their temper tantrums, infamous 'No's', increasing volume and assertiveness. Despite the tantrums, which are definitely challenging, I am enjoying so much about this stage with Ivor, as his personality emerges and his ability to communicate improves.

Books, trucks and the swings at the park are all still firm favorites, as are oranges and cheese. He is still pretty calm and easy-going, ignoring other kid's aggression and generously sharing his toys or food. He is still my serious little observer, attune to every word and action, soaking in knowledge and releasing it when you least expect it. However, as he moved into toddlerhood he also became more anxious about 'new' things, getting frightened by new sounds and more clingy when he encountered new people or places. Where he used to be oblivious to me when he was playing, he now interrupts his play every few minutes for a quick reassuring cuddle.

Unsurprisingly, Ivor is starting to get upset about all the boxes and chaos, so this morning I set aside a good chunk of time to give him my full attention, to reassure him, love on him, and enjoy him. We ate breakfast together, hung a load of washing on the drying rack, sang songs, danced, played with his cars, talked about colors and trash, and made a video while we waited for the garbage truck to arrive. (Thursdays revolve around trash pickup.)

Vehicles and trash are not exactly my preferred topics, but playing with my boy, listening to his ever-increasing vocabulary, giving him cuddles and watching him 'help' with chores or re-enact trash pick up- this is my happy place. I am guessing that most other parents will understand, but I really can't fully explain the way that just thinking about this kid overwhelms me with love and joy.

He is just beautiful.