Not cut out for the single life

This week was rough and undoubtedly the hardest week of motherhood I've faced so far.

Recovering from international travel and an 8 hour time difference was a bit much for our little guy and jet-lagged Ivor proved to be a beast. My little man was inconsolable- no amount of rocking, cuddling, begging or baby tylenol would settle him. Even breastfeeding ended up providing minimal comfort for him. Listening to Ivor fuss and scream for 8 straight hours would have been hard enough under normal circumstances, but doing it on my own after three sleepless nights of similar unrest was torture.

I had never experienced a baby wind himself up to the point of sickness the way my son can. After hours and days of wrestling with a crying baby, I hit my wall in the early hours of Sunday and had to leave him to it. When I went back to hold him, he looked horrible- eyes lined with dark circles, face pale with red splotches where he had scratched himself in frustration, he had been sick all over his pajamas and his little body was sweaty and shaking with exhaustion. Torn between frustration, concern and exhaustion, I just felt like a total failure as a mom.

Eventually we both collapsed into a few hours of sleep, which helped me recover my sanity enough to recognise and respond to the fact that Ivor had become dehydrated. Thankfully a couple days on, he is now doing much better and returning to his usual bright-eyed smiley self, and I am no longer on the verge of losing it.

You live and you learn, and I now know better ways to help my munchkin cope with jet-lag (Before this experience I was so focused on surviving 10 hours on the plane with an infant that I had completely overlooked the issue of how an infant would respond to the time difference). But the biggest thing I learned through this is that I am not cut out for single-motherhood! An extra pair of loving hands definitely makes a difference. Ivor and I are both SO glad that Ross is back from his trip to help take care of us both.